A short philosophy of my life

I love that some people are so different and yet when it comes down to it they are so similar. In a lingering smile or a prolonged hug you know you’ve found someone who you can cherish.

Even in a fleeting moment the world seems so much clearer when you have someone who understands you listening to you; a friend sitting across from you, who has the ultimate comedic timing that makes you crack; the person who knows you at your most vulnerable but who is unaware, the friend who stood by you through your weakest hour. A friend who has the energy and kindness to stay up all night talking to you and the only reason they give is because they are your friend.

The question in my mind is, if we have friends like this, why do we intermittently doubt our own self-worth? I suppose one response could be that we are all striving to be better. But I guess another is that some of us are simply apprehensive about how committed our friends are to us. After all, everyone has their insecurities and hang-ups naturally; I think the thing that matters is how much we let these affect us.

To go through life scared must be detrimental; detrimental not only to you but your social life. To go through a whole lifetime believing that you’re second best must be awful. I presume that everyone’s had moments of despair; if it is to do with a loss of a love, loss of a parent, loss of self respect or just loss of hope. Some find comfort in religion. Personally I have a problem in believing in anything beyond the realms of intellectual thought. Maybe that makes me closed minded, maybe not.

I am still human. The thing that makes me irate is that some people would argue that being disabled makes you a faulty being. Of course, technically they are right, but is it reasonable to make that judgement? There are those few that would argue that people with Down’s syndrome are mutant beings because their cells have a slightly mistuned genetic make-up. Is this fair?

Some people assume that a physical disability only affects you physically. The naivety of some people baffles me. Yes, of course a physical disability will affect you physically. This has knock-on effects on emotionality naturally; the impact on social life as well as sex, love and thoughtless bullying. The amount of times I, personally, have been emotionally crushed by an utterance or a look of disgust is countless. I know it is a cliché but I truly believe that it all makes you stronger. I won’t lie, if a vulnerable mood takes hold and I hear a brutal passing comment, it still can momentarily defeat me and I crumble.

What is worse is that some people assume that physical disability implies you are retarded. The patronising talkers who think they are doing you a favour.

By sex I mean the whole idea of sex. The idea of sex is daunting for any erotically charged teenager. The idea of sex for an, even, partially disabled erotically charged teenager is terrifying. Luckily I got through teenage-hood with only light humiliation. Love, now love is a different matter. Love, I feel is a personal thing, disabled or not. All of us are vulnerable to the dire straits love can put you in. No one should look past the world of people with unseen difficulties; be it depression, schizophrenia or dyslexia. These can be utterly debilitating and half the time the struggle is mute.

I can only hope to try to be accepting to everyone, to take each person as a representative of only themselves and to take everyone in to my stride, albeit slightly shaky at times.